Sometimes the most useful things are kept hidden...

I'm going to go all geeky on you now...

It's not often that I feel the need to share computer secrets but this one is a gem! If you use the same documents a lot (as I do) or just need to make them easy to get too...the work menu is perfect!!

Click on Customize in the Tools menu (or right click on a toolbar and go to Customize from there), make sure you're on the Commands tab and click on Built in Menus in the categories section (2nd from the bottom, I believe) and then in the commands section click and drag Work (bottom option) on to the toolbar.

When you have a document you want to put on it, make sure it's saved and then (while the document is still open, click on Work and then click Save to Work Menu. Simple!!

It really is soooo useful, I use it so much!!

To delete an entry from the list, click Control, Alt and - (the minus sign!) and then click on work...when it brings up the list of files on the menu, click on the one you want to get rid of.

My humps????

The Black Eyed Peas. Someone explain them to me. They can't write, they can't sing...what is so appealing??

And their latest song...I don't get it. Why on earth would she want to sing that crap??? Why would anyone want to objectify themselves to that degree?? Sheesh. I really dont get it. If someone asked me to sing that I'd kick the crap out of them (yep, it may not look like it but trust me, I can hold my own!).

And the line "they say they want to sex me" (or something like that)....sex me?? How old are they?? 5???

The sooner people realise they're talented goons the better!

"It's my friends, they have a liking problem with you. In that they don't."

I had a pretty good day today. There wasn't much to do when the filing and post were out of the way (there wasn't much of that anyway) so I had about 5 files to log on and that was pretty much it so I did it slowly (as I didn't want to have to go back upstairs) and it took me up till lunch and after lunch I spend the whole afternoon scanning, which was good as I was feeling quite dodgy all day so didn't want anything too taxing. Plus I wasn't with anyone so I didn't have to talk, and that was also very much what I wanted as I really didn't feel like talking this afternoon!

"I won't have aggressive condiment passing in my house"

I had such a weird dream last night!

I dreamt that Stef invited Linkin Park to his house as a favour to his friend (which is weird as both of them hate linkin Park!) and all the time I was trying to get the attention of Mike from the "band" (http://groups.msn.com/lMikeShinodal/mikethehottestsexiestdude.msnw?action=ShowPhoto&PhotoID=3095) and he was ignoring me apart from one point when he asked if I wanted a hug (to which I replied yes, of course!) and then he carried on talking to Stef's friend and then I kissed him on the cheek and he was NOT happy!

Straaaaaaaange!!

I had about 3 hours sleep last night. Surprisingly though, I don't feel that bad. I thought I'd feel crappy but apart from a headache this morning, I was okay. I didn't even need a coffee at work!

Work wasn't too bad today either- I had a good chat with Helen about Stef and things, which was cool. I love talking about him!! I guess it's just because I'm so proud to be with him. So honoured that he chose to be with me. So glad that feels the same way about me as I do about him.

"What a nice cereal box!"

FINALLY!! The weekend!!!

That's another week of work done and done. I can't believe it's my second week though, really. Today wasn't too bad, as days go (though, trust me, I wasn't thinking that this morning!).

I had something else to talk about here but I can't remember what it was. D'oh!!

"Don't throw your buts at me Mr Squidward!"

I am reduced to drinking coffee. Yep, me. I haven't had a coffee in aaaaages...at least a year but I'm now so tired at work that I have to have SOMETHING. I'm kinda fussy about coffee though...I don't like normal coffee, all I drink is cappuccino or espressochoc. Nothing else will do. I do like coffee flavoured things though. Odd. Anyway, these days I'm yawning so much and so wide that my jaw was hurting. Coffee seemed like something I needed. I'm just hoping it doesn't prevent me sleeping, I try not to have too much caffeine as anyone who knows me should know by now that I'm not so hot at the whole sleeping thing. Anyway, even after a cappuccino I was still yawning as if my life depended on it.

I'm not feeling too great. I'm unbelievably tired, I'm bored all day, I feel sick and/or headachy ever day and I'm also kinda stressed. *sigh* I'm also having major chocolate cravings...I think it's kinda comfort eating but as I'm quite sensible about my diet, I don't binge or anything...one a day gets me through! I don't like feeling like this though, especially as there is no way I can escape. All I've wanted to do so far this week and all of last week is sleep until something good happens. I still do. And it must. Something always comes along.

Anyway, Stef was here for the weekend (the one person keeping me sane and happy!)...

Friday...work was dull, as per...there was a mad rush for the last 90 minutes or so as we had a fax that needed to be rushed out (3 whole huuuge files). When we'd sent them (and were just waiting for them to go) we were told we didn't need to send them.
Anyway, all I wanted to do was meet Stef and eventually I got too...it seemed like an eternity. Anyone who is in a long distance relationship or just doesn't get to see their boy/girlfriend very often (though if you're not in a long distance relationhip and you don't....what on earth is going on you ungrateful people!) will know exactly what I mean when I say that the first moment I see him is soooo amazing. The first hug. The first kiss. Wow!! that's one good thing about being a long distance relationship actually, it's like the first kiss after we haven't seen each other is THE first kiss...remember that feeling guys?? The emotion, the excitement...yep, it's all in there!
Anyway, Friday night was amazing...nothing much happened, really, we just snuggled up but I've missed it so much. The hugs and kisses too. Mmmmmmmmmm!!

Saturday was perfect...we got up late, spent hours in town (Stef wanted to see the Christmas lights so we had to stay until it got dark!) and had lunch at Burger King (my treat...how romantic am I???!!!). One of my friends from college was there and she was obviously checking Stef out and clearly liked what she saw!
After the lights had come on we went back to mine and watched The Muppet Show (it ruuuuuuules!) and then we went to see Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, which was really good. It was sooo good seeing it with Stef too. Mmmmm! Gotta love that guy. The little girl next to me kept getting scared which was really cute, bless her.
After we'd got back we snuggled up on the sofa (well, Tracey's sofa) and watched one of her DVDs but that was dull so we started watching The Polar Express but in the end we went to bed. Such a perfect day.

Sunday...we watched The Polar Express with Tracey and Duncan until we went back to mine for lunch (which was soooo yummy!) and then we went for a walk to the park down the road and played on the swings for a while before going home and playing The Pea Game. A true classic. No home should be without it. Though I'm pretty sure 99.999999999% of houses will be. We then watched Men in Black 2 (Will Smith is suuuuch a dude!! Wonderful eyes, too) which was lovely.
When it was time for him to go I had to stop myself from grabbing onto him and not letting him go. I can NOT keep doing this, not when the rest of my life is so crappy especially.

Anyway...it was an amazing weekend. I miss him so much though. *sigh*

anyway, I think that's me done...

Darkest
xxx

"This is the stuff Napolean would have drunk if he'd been a bit strapped for cash and he couldn't get anything else"

Okay... my first full Monday. I have now been at work for a week. Helen said today that in a few months I'll be hating it...looks like I'm ahead of schedule, eh??

Anyway, I've decided to look at the positives and negatives and hopefully that might put everything into perspective..

Positives:

• free drinks at the vending machine!
• Logging on is quite fun
• I don't mind scanning
• Nice people (most of the time, from what I've seen)
• Not bad working hours
• More than £80 a week!

Negatives:

• Everything but the two above mentioned tasks are dull: filing, sorting incoming post, sorting/packaging outgoing post etc (not that there is many to do)
• Repetative, monotonous etc
• Hate going in every morning
• Hate doing the same dull things all the time
• I don't have my own desk, computer etc
• pay isn't great (but also see last positive)
• Peo

The lists are by no means complete...I'll add as and when.

So far...it's not helped one iota!

Serious post!! Could I become an early riser???

http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2005/05/how-to-become-an-early-riser/

I'd try this, if I knew for a fact it wouldn't work with me. I'm...too different for these kind of things to work! Plus what really bugs me about people talking about people who can't sleep much (i.e. me) is that people always say if you go to bed and don't fall asleep within 5 minutes, you're not ready to go to bed. WRONG!! I spend pretty much all day every day tired. When I do go to bed, I can't fall asleep. No one DARE tell me I'm not tired because I AM!!!

"Men have a different way of noticing hair and appearance. Which is not noticing."

So...today was my third day.

Although my second day wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, I still didn't want to go.

Today...no exception. The job isn't varied (which the council's was) and although it's not getting to me yet, I know it will do if I'm there for too long.

I don't really know what to say today. I've done the same things for 3 days. That doesnt' leave much to write really.

I could vent but...well...it's all been done so I guess I just have to remember that it's a means to an end, that's all (and also a source of money!). I'm still longing to be at the council again though. Never thought I'd be saying that!

*giggles*

S&T D�: Yo, what's up?

This just made me laugh!

*sniff* "Ah...strawberry notes. I'm getting caramel. I'm getting bitumen. I'm getting red wine up my nose!"

So....my first day at a new job over and done with.

After I'd put my stuff down at my desk, Liz (head of admin) showed me upstairs and Katie showed me how they do the filing, and then I had a go. (When I say showed me how, I mean she put the files in and I watched and had to figure out what to do myself!) After that we sorted out Friday's post (i.e. put it on the corresponding file and handed it to the fee earner) and then Alex showed me how they scan files in.
I did that for a while and then I went back to Liz (at her request), who then took me back upstairs and asked Alex if she could train me as she (Liz) had to leave early and isn’t in tomorrow (as it’s her birthday) so she had two days work to do.

Alex showed me how to log the files on the system and we spent until lunch doing that. After lunch (though I don’t think it could really be called that as I didn’t eat anything!), we logged on a few more files and then took them to the fee earners and collected the post (of which, there was tonnes!!) and spent the rest of the afternoon sorting that out, and then took it to the DX box thing and the post office.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, was my first day.

This afternoon, one of the admin ladies (can’t remember her name) said, jokingly, that I wont want to come back tomorrow because they’re all strange (that seems to be the traditional thing to say, as I was told it at the council and so were the temps, newcomers etc) and they’re right, I REALLY don’t want to go in. But not because they’re strange. I just really don’t think I could do this job for very long. I know I’ve only had one day at it but…well…I was actually longing to be back at the council. If you know me at all, you’ll realise what that means!
I guess it could just be because I have that ‘lost’ feeling you get when you don’t really know what you’re supposed to be doing, heightened by the fact that everyone around you does but I can’t help but feel that it is something more than that. I had the same ‘lost’ feeling when I started working at the Council, and at Argos but it wasn’t this bad (admittedly, there could be a reason for Argos). I could be wrong, but that seems to be telling me something.

I don’t know. I REALLY don’t want to go into tomorrow but I don’t have a choice. I can’t quit. And even if I could, I couldn’t this early on.

"Squidward told me I could help by burying myself!"

Has anyone else noticed that David Schwimmer has REALLY nice eyes?? Admittedly I have a thing for eyes (especially brown ones) but..just...wow!

Other people with nice eyes:

• Stef (the only pair of blue eyes I've ever seen that I love!)
• Uncle Kracker (wow!)
• The guy from Linkin Park (Mike, I think his name is)
• Will Smith

I'll probably add to the list as I think of them!

"Hit me. But only with the story. Don't actually hit me, that would hurt."

So...things are changing. At last. I start a new job on Monday (I will, of course, let you know how it goes) as a Junior Administator. Okay, junior is kinda...meh. I would've hoped two years of admin experience and an NVQ in admin would've given me a bit more but hey, a job's a job. And everyone has to start somewhere. Besides, apparently it's quite easy to work up in the company which is good as I don't want to be a junior for too long.

I say things, but that's pretty much it. Everything else is in the pipeline and may not actually happen anyway. Better hope God is on my side for this one, eh? I need Him.

I really hope this does happen because..well...."tread softly for you're treading upon my dreams"

And I'm pleading, and I'm pleading, and I'm pleading right before the Lord...

Apparently what I thought was a dream isn't. Wow. I'm not going to say what it is (not yet anyway) but...wow. I was convinced I'd dreamt it all.

Partly because it was an answer to many a prayer said that night and normally my prayers aren't just answered within hours of them being said. It's not that I don't have faith in God or anything, I do, just normally it takes longer (apart from when I'm praying I'll find something I've lost, like an earring, then it's usually within minutes). I think sometimes I just forget how powerful God actually is. That sounds really stupid reading it back but...I don't know. I do. Not for any good reason, either. I've seen the power He has. It's weird. Kinda like sometimes I forget how good looking Stef is. I mean, I still know he's amazing looking but I forget exactly how good looking he is. And then I see him and...WOW! Still blows me away.

Anyway, that's my analogy. Probably not the greatest, but hey, it suits my purpose.

I had more to say but I lost the train of thought so I'll end now..I may pick up on it again, who knows??!

"Whatever you're doing in here, please stop it. I'm only little. I blow away easily."

"This once was a post
but now it's not here
But don't be sad
Don't shed a tear

Don't be upset
Don't worry your pretty head
Because when you open your eyes
You'll realise I'm here instead!"

I'm Not Okay...

Damn right, I'm not!! I have this crappy song in my head (by My Chemical Crapness..I mean Romance, for anyone who doesn't know) and I can't get rid of it. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!

And btw for all those emo kids out there....they are not punk, they are not "undeniably hardcore"....they are pure emo. In fact, the song should be called I'm So Emo.

Come on Jack Johnson...soooooooothe these pains....

"Awwww...the way she calls me a "stupid idiot" is so sweet!"

I'm in the middle of one of those times when you think something happened last night (in this case, some things were said) but you can't remember for sure because it could have been a dream. And you can't ask the person involved because if it was a dream, you'll sound really rather stupid. So I've spent the whole day trying to figure out whether what I think happened did happen or was it just another weird dream (in which case, I had two last night) without mentioning it to the person involved....I can't tell though.

Actually, I think it was a dream. It's too good to be true, I think.

And...

.................reality hits.

Just wait...

Stop. Don't move. Don't even think about moving. Don't think about anything. I don't want to forget this feeling. In a few days (not that I'm thinking about it but I know reality will hit) I'll be back in Crapville alone, so for the sake of those times...I just want to remind myself (and this might seem kinda sad, like someone leaving a message on their own answerphone but...tough!) how happy I am at the moment. It's at times like this that I realise exactly how inarticulate (?) I am...The words I'm going to be using a) are words I use over and over and b) don't come even close, anywhere near to how I feel but whatever else I want to say, whatever the other words to describe it are, they're nowhere near my mind. I hope, one day, to find them.

Anyway, Missy...remember this feeling!

At this precise moment, with Stef next to me (albeit on the floor so he can't see this) and a day and a half spent hugging and kissing, snuggling up together and laughing soooo much, I am truly happy. This, ladies and gentlemen, is what happiness is all about. I feel so...so...contented. I feel so loved, so wanted, so special, so safe, so protected and so......so....see?? Here I go again. I'm trying to do it justice and nothing I say can ever really come close.

I don't want this feeling to go. And yes, I know it will do when I leave but for now, I am quite happy to bask in this AMAZING feeling for a while longer. I have never been so happy and felt so...settled in my entire life. I love feeling like this. But, more than that, I love being loved and I love being able to give back the love I am receiving. Harmony. Is there anything like it??

It's no coincidence that the happiest times in my life have all been when I have been with Stef. There is nothing nicer than his hugs, his kisses and being in his arms.

"And I'm searching for the words
But they don't come easily
Nothing seems to do
Justice to this
And the feeling that I have
Is something beautiful
I know it couldn't get
Much better than this"

(c) 2005

"We're Teflon, baby!"

I had such a weird dream last night.

I dreamt I got to Southampton, Stef and I settled down snuggled up together watching TV then he rememberd he had to catch a bus and told me to go home and come back later. I, for some reason did and when I got there I went to the job centre and for some reason asked to make an appointment, which they made for that afternoon. I then had to get out of it and then (after I'd complained about how crap the job centre was etc etc) the woman said it was for next week (though I know it wasn't what she said to begin with). Anyway, I left and outside was my friend Dave and a friend from Primary School, Laura (who had a thing for Dave in the dream). She also had a really long neck (not really relevent but hey, that's life for you). Anyway, we spoke for a bit (can't remember what about) and then I went home to wait for dad to get back from work so he could give me a life to the station. While I was at home, Stef's sister called me asking me if I just heard what Stef's mum said. I said I wasn't there (which she would have known as she was there!) and she said "Oh. I thought you were coming." After that the conversation ended and I sent Stef a text asking why I couldn't have stayed at his and waited there for him to return but he didn't reply *sniff* Eventually dad came back from work and I tried for ages to get him to take me but he kept having other things to do. I woke up before I found out if I ever did get back!

"I need this whole train to break down..."

At this precise moment in time, I feel...I don't know. Well, I do know, and I also know I shouldn't feel like it. I just feel like I'm coming second. and I don't exactly know what too, really. But I do and I don't like feeling like this.

Meh. While I was waiting for the page to load I was thinking what I was going to write and I had a proper explanation that actually made sense and everything and now it's all gone so I'm going to leave it now.