The Truth about DucksI am here to address something that has become more and more of a problem in today’s society. Every day, more and more people lose the necessary awareness about how to deal with Ducks. Duck shelters are being replaced by shelters from less serious threats, such as bombs and hurricanes. Lack of Duck awareness has now topped even the lack of awareness of other dangerous animals, such as cockroaches, hummingbirds and sea cucumbers. In fact, awareness about Ducks has died completely; the entire modern knowledge base on Ducks is based completely on lies. I alone know the truth; I alone can cure the dangerous ignorance that the world has developed about Ducks.
Now everyone knows that Ducks are innocent little yellow bundles of joy, right? WRONG! This is what modern lies have made Ducks out to be. I know the truth though, after countless hours of observation, I’ve managed to discover what Ducks do when you’re not looking. Ducks are without a doubt the smartest, most sinister threat to ever walk the earth. Have you ever wondered why the dinosaurs died? Was it a meteor? Or perhaps a flood? This has long since been a mystery that scientists couldn’t solve; they couldn’t solve it, not because it happened so long ago but because the meteor was framed, to cover up the real source of their extinction. The truth of the matter is, I feel faint just speaking off the unspeakable terrors, but the truth must be told, the dinosaurs were enslaved by Ducks! Now dinosaurs constantly perform ballet for their evil Duck taskmasters in deep underground lairs.
This leads us to another question, one that any detective would be asking himself. Why? What motive do the Ducks have for enslaving the dinosaurs? Well a little known fact about Ducks is that they are very power hungry. So back in the day, who ruled the Earth? The dinosaurs, but the Ducks wouldn’t stand for that, they knew they were fully capable of overpowering the dinosaurs. So on one fateful day, the Ducks attacked. Another little-known fact is that the average Duck can rip apart a cement sidewalk with as little effort as it takes a human to open a ziplock bag. So the Ducks attacked, within hours the dinosaurs were defeated and the Ducks quickly carved out a massive hole in an effort to frame some innocent meteorite somewhere. The scary part of this story rests in two simple words. It worked. If the Ducks can manipulate the entire human race once, how do you know they won’t do it again?
Now let me give you some facts. Adolf Hitler, President Bush, Bill Gates, Michael Jackson and countless others come into contact with a Duck at least once every 14 days. Coincidence? I think not. The truth is, that in one way or another, every major event ever to occur on this planet has been masterminded by the Ducks. I don’t know what their master plan is, but I highly doubt that it includes the continued survival of the human race. That is why the Ducks have slowly begun to capture people and use horrific torture methods to convince them to ally themselves with the leaders of the Duck Empire. These people, whom I have begun calling Friends of the Duck could be anywhere. Next time you visit your Grandma, make sure you look twice at that statue of a Duck in her backyard. Did you ever notice how interested your brother was in Ducks? Trust no one; watch your back because you never know. No matter what you may believe, you must live your life with one statement as the golden rule. “Somewhere, someway, the Ducks are coming for you”.
Now I know what you’re thinking, this kid is insane; he must have porridge for brains. Those things are both true, but that doesn’t change the facts. The Ducks are out to get you. The Friends of the Duck are rising, they will conquer all. Now you must be wondering, “What can I do?” There is only one answer to this disturbing question. Nothing. You cannot stop the Ducks. Nobody can, but you can stay alert. Next time you see a small child playing with a Duck, step in and stop it because you never know, you might have prevented that child from becoming a Friend of the Duck. Notice how everywhere in my document, the word Duck is capitalized. I do this out of fear; you don’t want to attract a Ducks attention. It may be the last thing you ever do. Be wary and be strong, because the Ducks are watching.
Written by Keilan S.
The Man who knows all the Ducks Secrets
