"The lines that we walk are thin... never falling down..."

I passed my theory!!!!!! I REALLY didn't think I would so I am soooooo relieved!! Yay!!!

"You're so vain... I bet you think this song is about you..."

Why are arrogant people so popular?? I was idly reading a few blogs to keep boredom at bay and came across one from a girl who had a picture of her boyfriend and said that he was cute (although I didn’t think so but my taste is a lot more… I’m going with original, than most people’s so I’ll put it down to that) but he knows it, unfortunately. If you don’t like arrogance why are you with someone who thinks he’s cutes (wrong in my humble opinion, but I find arrogant people usually are) in the first place??

I can’t stand arrogance- I guess some people (e.g. Stef, Bruce Dickinson etc) must (or should) know they’re good looking but even if they do, why the hell would they make a big (or even small) deal out of it?? If I was pretty, I wouldn’t let people know that I knew it. I’d just look in the mirror and smile instead of thinking “EEK!”!!! I’d just be quietly confident, knowing what I’ve got going for me.

"A boring life in a boring town..."

I have to say, I’m at the stage where I am now utterly bored with work. I used to really enjoy it but now… it all goes straight past me. It’s probably just because I rarely seem to have any work (now I’ve said that I’ll probably have 50 million urgent things to do). I still enjoy the work (at least I would if I had any) and the area still interests me (though it is a little disturbing at times. I think you get used to it though. Well, not used to it. I don’t think you could ever get used to hearing how a child was neglected/abused, but it just doesn’t surprise me any more. I’m pretty much unshockable.) but…. I want a new job.

YAY!!!!

I have had another amazing weekend courtesy of Stef.
Obviously, we’re all disappointed that we couldn’t see Queen but first and foremost my excitement was reserved for seeing Stef (that isn’t to say I wasn’t excited at seeing Queen, I was unbelievably but I hadn’t seen Stef for 5 weeks and I NEEDED to see him) so I was sooooooo glad when mum and dad said they would drive me to Southampton then either stay in the area or stay at Yvonne’s in Hastings (depending on whether she could put them up).
The journey was uneventful- we left later than planned and there were hold ups on the A14 (I think) but apart from that it was okay. I was tired but I put on Phenomenon by TFK and perked up a lot- it’s one of those albums that I haven’t listened to for ages and had forgotten how much I like it.
Stef’s mum invited mum and dad in for a cup of tea and mum and dad being the addicts they are said yes (admittedly they would’ve said yes, addicts or not!) so that was a little nerve wracking (for me anyway) but it seemed to go well.
After they had gone, Stef and I had a hug which was unbelievably good as I’d been deprived for 5 weeks!
We took my bag upstairs then took Stef’s mum to Sainsbugs (Sainsbury’s). When we got back we watched Neighbours and hugged and kissed some more- the kisses were sooooooooo good I went weak! WOW!!!! There isn’t much more I can say about that, it’s just… wow!!!!
I taught Stef to play Black Jack (and no, that isn’t where you have to make 21. That is Pontune and the black jack is no more relevant than any other card. In Black Jack [not to be confused with Jack Black] the black jack has relevance!) so we spent a lot of the evening playing that, which was fun. We also watched Dodgeball which we saw at the cinema together in September last year.
On Saturday we went to Winchester which was, as always, lovely. I looooove wandering around with Stef, no matter how aimless it is. And, of course, I love being in HMV etc with him because then he wraps his arms around me while we’re looking at the CDs or whatever and it feels sooooooooo unbelievably good (when we were in London for our second date I knew I wanted to go to a music shop for that very reason-we’d done the same on our first date- and one of my favourite memories [one of, as there are many, many, many] is in HMV when we were looking through CDs and he had his arms wrapped around my waist and he kisses my hair. Wow!! I melted.) Stef bought me 3 Doors Downs latest album- so lovely of him; I haven’t done anything to deserve it!
When we got back we played Black Jack outside (I’ve created an addict) then, after tea, we went to see Batman Begins which was really good- so exciting!! Plus… Morgan Freeman. What a dude!! And a great actor too, one of my favourites.
We played more Black Jack when we got back.

We stayed in on Sunday. We spent most of the day in the garden (it was a beautiful day, very sunny and warm) playing Black Jack and Pontune (for Smarties!).
Mum and dad got to Soton at about 6. They had a cup of tea in the garden with Stef’s mum and dad. Stef and I were both nervous- we went upstairs to get my stuff together but every so often we peeked nervously out of the window to check things were still okay. Luckily for us, (though, I guess, not really surprisingly) everything was fine and (I think) they got on well.
After they had their cup of tea (*cough*addicts*cough*) we left. It was sooooooooo depressing leaving Stef *sigh* I would give anything to be able to go there and not have to leave. If you’re rich and reading this… please take this as a hint!

P.S. We stopped in some services on the way back and there was a guy who was LITERALLY covered in tattoos. They were everywhere- legs, arms, neck, head, face… it was soooo disgusting! EWWWWW!!!!

"It's surreal... how do you feel?"

Okay… now I’ve sort of got over the shock but I still feel so angry at whichever b-----ds did it. I thoroughly believe that will have to answer for it, if not in this life, then in the next (and it is going to be so much worse in the next) and I thoroughly believe that they deserve it. Anyone with such a blatant disregard for human life deserves nothing less. I guess that isn’t very Christian but I don’t feel like they have done anything that deserves civil behaviour towards them. As they have such a disregard for life, I doubt killing them would do anything and would make them as bad as them (albeit to a smaller scale) but I hope God is serving up something truly horrific for all people who do- or even attempt to do- this kind of thing. Again, un-Christian of me but I hope He is full of wrath. I guess it would be, it is a sin to kill anyone. I don’t see how anyone (no matter how passionate they are about the cause or how much other people tell them it’s what they should be doing) can think that ending someone’s life is up to them. Human life is precious- as the relatives/friends of the killed/injured are no doubt realising- and should be treated as such.

I could rant and rave for ages about this but as I’m sure the rest of you reading this feel pretty much the same, I’ll stop now.
This all feels so surreal.

Not sure what to call this post

So…it’s happened. London Underground stations (and a bus) has been bombed. It’s a terrifying thought. The thing is, as Lionel pointed out, everyone on the Underground is always so busy watching what they’re doing that no one would notice if anyone left a bag or anything (I never notice if people have bags or anything unless they’re huge) plus the Underground is so enclosed that it would amplify any explosion. It was only ever a matter of time. Everyone was expecting something (though what with the lack of anything I think people may have relaxed a bit) but that doesn’t make it any easier. Everyone in the secretarial office knew at least one person that works/lives in London so there were lots of calls being made. Our head of department, Michelle, was in Kings Cross at the time of one of the explosions (I think that’s what was said) so everyone was worried for her, luckily she was okay, just very shaken (not surprisingly) and one of the lawyers, Bev, was missing- we didn’t know where she was, her daughter didn’t know where she was and no one had heard anything from her or could get hold of her. Luckily she too was okay, she ended up walking home (which took 3 hours) and phoned us from there.
I really don’t understand how anyone can do that. I don’t understand how anyone can be so heartless and so…so evil to think its fine to kill/injure innocent people. Their mentality is… beyond me. How can anyone do that? How can anyone think its okay to do that? It scares me that there are people out there who are so evil that they don’t see anything wrong with putting a bomb somewhere and deliberately setting out to kill people.

I actually feel quite shaken up by this. I guess it’s because it’s so close to home. Then there’s the fact we’re meant to be going to London to see Queen tomorrow.
If I was God (now there’s a scary thought!) I would have got to the point where I’d send a huge lightening bolt (I’d be a clichéd God) to get everyone’s attention, then I’d say “This all stops right NOW.”
I can understand how people can lose their faith in these situations but I trust God. He knows what He’s doing. It may not make sense to us but He knows what He is doing. My thoughts and prayers go out to everyone affected by today’s events, I do not know exactly how you feel but I can kinda imagine how I would feel. May God comfort you at this time.

I reflect on a world full of pathetic, evil people who have no consideration or compassion, no sense of what is right and a HELL of a lot to answer for on Judgement Day, and I feel… saddened doesn’t do it justice. Sometimes I hate this world. Sometimes it just terrifies me.

"Give me where to stand and I will move the earth." - Archimedes.

I have a quick update for you all on the ex I talked about before- well, surprise surprise he and his girlfriend have split up. She was being weird in her texts or something. (He said that which would imply he dumped her but I guarantee it was the other way round). She asked him if he'd found anyone else (I would presume this was just a lead in to his question...) and he said no, and asked her. Surprise, surprise, she has!

To be honest, I think she missed a golden opportunity to use one of dating's most famous lines.... "I think we should see other people." (Meaning of course, "Ha! I already am!")

"A point of view can be a dangerous luxury when substituted for insight and understanding"-

I love this quote. It's so true. And people prove it time and time again. Everyone loves having their say, why should a bit of research or compassion stand in the way of the rest of the world (whether they like it or not) hearing it, right?
I've probably done it time and time again myself though so I'm biting my tongue. I can keep my mouth shut when appropriate but it's a lot harder when it's something I feel passionate about- e.g. my faith, Stef, music- and sometimes I slip up. Though if it's something I feel passionately about I'm more than likely to have a fairly decent insight of it. As for understanding... I do my best.

Speaking of faith, I think my biggest prayer at the moment may have been answered. Or, more accurately, may have been answered the way I want it to be. I don't want to get too excited about it in case I'm wrong but I'm feeling a lot happier/brighter about it now. The last few months have been horrible and I know I have, at times, been a nightmare to be around/talk to. Sincere apologies to Stef for that and huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge hugs for sticking with me and not letting it get in the way of what we have. I appreciate it soooo much.

I want to apologise to the rest of you for not blogging much lately. I 've been going through what is, for me at least, though maybe not for others (the lyric "Are you so strong or is all the weakness in me?" [Weakness In Me- Joan Armatrading] comes to mind) a pretty tough time. Mentally/emotionally I have been drained. My head has been constantly filled with a thousand thoughts, a thousand scenarios and a thousand possible outcomes and my head kept picking up on the worse and playing it over and over again. I tried, really tried, not to show it but I got kind of fed up of being in tears and desperately trying to hide it from everyone. Stef found out what was wrong (albeit accidently) and though I didn't want him to know, I felt a little better when he knew. I know I've worried him on occassions (and I know I've worried a few friends but they didn't have a clue what was going on whereas Stef did) but is sucj a lovely boyfriend, always supporting me. Even though the one thing that could've sorted everything, I couldn't bring myself to do. Annoying, eh?

Anyway, as I said, I think things may have sorted themselves out and I'm feeling better now. Saying that, I do want to apologise (again) to Stef for being such a nightmare. I know I could've tried better to deal well with everything (oooh so close to being a lyric then!) and I'm very sorry I didn't. I just felt so... I don't know. Drowned out by everythign that was happening, I couldn't seem to concentrate on anything else.
I promise I will make it up to you. Thank you for being so amazing about all of this.

Okay, now I've said that I'll quickly catch the rest of you up on everything else that has been happening (the reason for the above is staying well out of the public domain).

Firstly, I have my driving theory test on the 20th. SCARY!!! I'm not letting too many people know about it, just in case, but it's booked, paid for and i have to do it...
Needless to say, I'm not looking forward to it. I don't want to let myself or (more importantly) other people (especially one person) down. Pray for me please, I need all the help I can get!!

Secondly... I have 3 weeks to finish college. This isn't a "It's okay if you run over" situation, I HAVE to finish by then. I'm praying I manage it. (Again, any prayers going spare please send my way!)

I think that is all the big news at the moment...
The past few weeks have been pretty quiet. I did go for a drink with Lizzy and Martin on Sunday night, which was good fun. It was good to catch up with Lizzy. I haven't seen Martin for ages either though actually, as he's been ill.
At one point Martin went inside (it was a beautiful evening so we were in the Beer Garden) to get himself some food, me a vodka and coke and Lizzy a coke so I went inside too and when we came out Maarting said they had said that it was too late for them to serve cokes (they were going to be bringing them out to us. Lizzy started to say how ridiculous it was.... then realised Martin was joking and finished the sentence by saying "They're bringing them out, aren't they?" It was soooo funny!!!