"Sleep safe tonight, I'm back where I belong..."

It's soooooooooooooooooooooooooo good being back in Stef's arms again!! *huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge smile* *happy dance*

"A true friend is someone who thinks you are a good egg even though he/she knows that you are slightly cracked"- Bernard Meltzer

I don't think I belong on this planet at all. Everyone seems to have different ideas to me, different ideas of what is right, what is wrong, what is acceptable, what isn't acceptable. What we should allow to happen, what should be stopped before it gets any worse.

I think I would be much better suited somewhere else. Anywhere else, actually. Somewhere where sex is something more than just a bit of fun, where men respect women, and don't base their idea of a woman on the size of her chest, or if she's willing to have sex on the first date. Where woman don't pander to the patheticness of the male species by being paid to have sex (I'm not ignoring the fact that men do this too btw), or by spending their careers stripping or posing in tacky magazines.

Edited to add: and where guys don't stop talking to a woman just because she has a boyfriend. Sheesh guys, men and woman CAN just be friends, you know.

So...anyone know of anywhere??

Kutless

Many things in life are hard for me
Many things can pull us down
I don't understand why I do what I do
How could I take my eyes off you
After all You've done for me
And after all You've done for me

It's by Your grace and love I am saved
It's by Your grace and love You've forgiven me
And by that love and grace I'm amazed
It's by Your grace and love I am free
I am free, I am free, I am free

And it's by grace and love that I am free
I'll live with You eternally
I thank you Lord that I am free
I thank You Lord for loving me
I thank You Lord for dying upon the tree of Calvary
I thank You Lord for loving me
I thank You Lord for dying for me

Because it's by grace and love I am saved
It's by Your grace and love You've forgiven me
And by that love and grace, I'm amazed
It's by Your grace and love I am free
I am free, I am free, I am free

Many things in life are hard for me
Many things can pull us down
But by grace and love You've forgiven me
And by grace and love we are free


Happy Easter guys,

By grace and love I am saved

Darkest
xxx

"She had the curious urge to finish the job but I said no, if you want to be a proper man, leave the job unfinished and move onto the next..."

I had an absolutely fantabulous night last night!!! *huuuuuuuuuge smile*

Anna, Dave, Lizzy, Martin and I all went out for a drink. It was sooooo cool, like old times!
I hadn't seen Dave for aaaages either (since Christmas, I guess) so it was good to see him again- I see him so rarely these days.

On the journey home I was sitting in the back, with a little smile on my face- I had so much fun!! It's so cool being able to catch up with each other. It's been a while since we all went out. We laughed so much, it was great! We don't get to see each other (especially not together) that often now due to our different circumanstances, so it's great when we do get a chance to spend time together.

It's times like that that I do love my life- when I realise exactly how lucky I am! I have a great boyfriend and great friends. Who couldn't love that?

"10 years down the line, you realise you've fallen behind..."

Realisation sucks.

Good news!!

Anna's engaged!!! Yay!! (I would say more but as only one person who reads this- that I'm aware of- knows who she is, as more than a name anyway, I think I've said all I need to say!

"Well you know what they say....ask your slippers a question, you're going crazy!"

I don't know what to do.

Mum and dad continually go on at me about getting temporary work here while I'm waiting for a job in Soton and Stef complains that I'm spending too much money or something when we go out (though as it's one of the few times I get to go out, I like treating him/Russ), but I'm enjoying the break at the moment. And also it gives me time to have a proper job hunt and stuff.

I'm not saying I don't want to work, I do, I'm just enjoying having a break at the moment. I guess I could see if they have any part time temp work going. I'll think about that. However, it would depend what's going anyway. I mean, just because I sign up for an agency doesn't mean that they'll have anything suitable, does it?

I don't know what to do *sigh*

"Just dust around the accessories"- Slash to make up artist who tried to remove his sunglasses

I've had a really good day.

It started off slow, I was just helping dad sort some things out for church tomorrow but this afternoon I met Anna in town and we had a coffee (well, I had a hot chocolate). It was really good being able to have a girlie chat with her! We spoke about everything- church, people at church, Soul Survivor, spiritual experiences, boyfriends (her boyfriend has been going through some major changes, God has really been working in his life, which is fantastic, so we had a good discussion about that), how we feel about said boyfriends and stuff. She is one of my closest friends and I love that we have so much to talk about, and share so many opinions on things!

"Cheese doesn't even obey me..."

Isn't it strange how one simple sentance can cut so deep? And even weirder that things can feel differently from that one sentance on? It makes sense, to me anyway, kinda. But even so, I wasn't expecting it. I feel...emotionally winded, I guess would be the best way to describe it. Shocked, and even a little panicky.

I have faith though, and I'm sure my reasons are all correct and right, but even so. I guess I'm just being impatient. I'm still in shock though. Maybe that's to be expected from something so blatant, such an admittance. And it would seem like nothing to anyone else, I'm quite sure but...it isn't nothing. It will never be just "nothing". It's a big something, a very big something.

And I'm being deliberatley cryptic here, so please don't push me for further details (and if you're wondering why I'm writing this on here if I don't want to talk about it to anyone, it's because, quite simply, I need to vent.)

"Jonathon I really have to go. I'm at a friends merger. I mean wedding."

Isn't it nice when someone says the advice you've given someone else is very good?

"Jimi Hendrix did a record here 30 years after he died. That's how cool this place is."

I was reading the introduction of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus on Sunday. It explains why John Gray (I believe. Correct me if I'm wrong) wrote the book to begin with- his wife had been torn while giving birth and she was at home with the baby and ran out of painkillers. She asked John's brother (who was at the house at the time, John was at work) to pop out and get her some more but he didn't come back so she spent the day looking after a young baby in extreme pain with no pain killers. When John got back from work, she was upset and they got into a spat and he went to walk away and she then said he's a "fair weather friend" and that the times when she's upset etc and needs him the most, he always walks away when all she wants is to feel him holding her.

I didn't understand the situation from a guy's point of view. For me it is the most natural thing in the world to comfort someone who is upset. I can't imagine just walking away. I really can't. Even if it was someone I didn't like, I still think I'd be compelled to stay and try to comfort them, even if it meant just sitting quietly with them. I couldn't walk away. I just couldn't. And that's just someone I don't like. If it was someone I loved, the last thing I would do would be walk away.
I guess that's just one of the many differences between men and women though, huh?

When I'm upset though, what I really want is for someone (that would be Stef, as my first choice)to hug me, stroke my hair and tell me that everything is okay. That is all I crave each time. Ignoring the fact that I'm upset (/acting like I'm not), or walking away from me is the VERY worst thing you could do.

I guess that's just something I will never understand, eh?

"You can't second guess how to live your life"

I've decided that I'm going to put my current goals on here so I have something to work to. If it's written down then I can have people urging me on! I'm not going to make a huge post about this, it's just a few things I want to do and I want to be able to stand back and say "As it is written, so it shall be done..."!! *giggle*

I would seperate them into short and long term but as of yet there aren't many I'll just do one section:

First: Get a job in Soton.
This is the most important at the moment. This is the only way to complete the next goal, and when I've achieved both of them, I can start planning for number 3.

Second: Move to Soton
This is self explanatory. I need to do this!!! When I've done this I can attempt to make a start on number 3.

Third: Pass my driving test
I only have a year and a bit to do this before I have to re-take my theory, which I CANNOT do. There is no way I want to have to re-take my theory, which leaves passing my practical before the time runs out. I haven't actually driven since last September or October (I think) so it has been a while, but at least I know the basics so hopefully when I do start up again it will give me an advantage. This is something I've REALLY wanted to do since I was about 5, when I used to pretend my plate was a steering wheel! I miss driving a lot, I can't wait to get started again!

Anyway, these are my goals for this year so far (I made add some more at a later date though). Here's hoping I complete them!