"I was shocked; usually I use the 'I'm dying' as a way of passing the time and whipping up a little extra sympathy or a free dinner." - Mike Pilavachi
*WARNING: VENT AHEAD*
I don't like the person I think I'm becoming.
Today, for instance, as it was Anna's last Sunday before she moves (Tuesday is set to be a very dark day for me) everyone was talking about that and I was getting SO sick oh earing about it all. I don't want to be so envious but I just can't help it. She is one of those people to whom everything falls into her lap at exactly the right moment.
I'm happy for her, don't get me wrong, I just wish things would go as well for me. I wish my life was as trouble-free as hers.
I don't want to feel like this, especially not about her. She's a good friend- along with Lizzy and Dave (who was in Crapville last week, shame I missed him)- and have been my entire life. And I do totally understand that she's excited, if I ever do make it out of here alive, I'll feel exactly the same way.
I had another example I was going to put but I can't. It was all written out and everything but... I can't put it. Not if I want people to still have a good (or even fairly decent) opinion of me.
Why am I such a horrible person? I didn't used to be like this. I haven't felt anything like this for ages- last time i felt kinda similar (though not as bad) was around Easter ages ago. At church we had a big cross on the chancel and we all wrote on a piece of paper something we wanted to get rid off from our lives (e.g. a reoccuring sin etc) and they were all pinned on the cross. On Good Friday after the March of Witness we had a service and the cross (with the bits of paper on it) were burned. I have to admit, I was somewhat skeptical about that making any difference (though I shouldn't have been) but it REALLY did work. I felt so much better for ages. In fact I haven't felt anything like this since....until now. I'm tempted to do my own little version.
I don't like the person I think I'm becoming.
Today, for instance, as it was Anna's last Sunday before she moves (Tuesday is set to be a very dark day for me) everyone was talking about that and I was getting SO sick oh earing about it all. I don't want to be so envious but I just can't help it. She is one of those people to whom everything falls into her lap at exactly the right moment.
I'm happy for her, don't get me wrong, I just wish things would go as well for me. I wish my life was as trouble-free as hers.
I don't want to feel like this, especially not about her. She's a good friend- along with Lizzy and Dave (who was in Crapville last week, shame I missed him)- and have been my entire life. And I do totally understand that she's excited, if I ever do make it out of here alive, I'll feel exactly the same way.
I had another example I was going to put but I can't. It was all written out and everything but... I can't put it. Not if I want people to still have a good (or even fairly decent) opinion of me.
Why am I such a horrible person? I didn't used to be like this. I haven't felt anything like this for ages- last time i felt kinda similar (though not as bad) was around Easter ages ago. At church we had a big cross on the chancel and we all wrote on a piece of paper something we wanted to get rid off from our lives (e.g. a reoccuring sin etc) and they were all pinned on the cross. On Good Friday after the March of Witness we had a service and the cross (with the bits of paper on it) were burned. I have to admit, I was somewhat skeptical about that making any difference (though I shouldn't have been) but it REALLY did work. I felt so much better for ages. In fact I haven't felt anything like this since....until now. I'm tempted to do my own little version.
posted by Darkest_red at 1:05 PM
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