WOAH!!! (Part II)
These posts are like buses aren't they? None for ages then they all turn up at once...
Right or wrong though, I need to vent. Everytime I come to college there's just something about it that makes me feel... I don't know. Like I'm never going to get out of here. Everytime I do something, there still always seems to be about a million things left I have to do. I think my target of June is overly optimistic at best, utterly preposterous at worst. And what makes it worse is the fact I was never supposed to be here. All the plans I had were wrecked (e.g. PRC, the whole Media Makeup thing) and were all a complete waste of time. I had no other provisions for the future, that was my plan. That was what would happen. No questions, no need to think of anything else. And so.... 2 years later, I just sort of find myself here. Not where I wanted to be, but none the less, I'm here. And yeah, it's going to be useful (if I ever finish it) but at the moment my motivation is still so low. It took me about 30 minutes to get out of bed this morning. And it wasn't because I'm tired (though I am), it was just I didn't want to have to think about going to college. This isn't how it's meant to be, surely?? Every so often I get all motivated up again but I know I have a long way to go and it's going to be so hard to keep it up. Believe it or not, I'm not feeling particularly down at the moment. I just want something more, you know? I don't want to spend the rest of my life being an office monkey. I want to make a difference. And at the moment, I don't see that happening. To quote Five Iron Frenzy, "Nothing changes, nothing will."
The very fact that I'm writing this proves how low my motivation is... I'm at college but instead of working (in the near silent room), I'm typing this instead.
Despite the fact I have next to no motivation at the moment, I still really want to finish this stupid course. It feels like I've spent most of my life doing it. This is the course that never ends, and it goes on and on my friend.....
And the reality of the situation? I have to work despite the fact I have no motivation to do so, I have to work hard and GET THE JOB DONE!!!
So... back to work...and with each word I type, the escape plan comes that little bit closer to happening...
Love, peace and may God's blessings rain down on all of you forever more.
Darkest
xxx
P.S Next one will be happier hopefully!
Right or wrong though, I need to vent. Everytime I come to college there's just something about it that makes me feel... I don't know. Like I'm never going to get out of here. Everytime I do something, there still always seems to be about a million things left I have to do. I think my target of June is overly optimistic at best, utterly preposterous at worst. And what makes it worse is the fact I was never supposed to be here. All the plans I had were wrecked (e.g. PRC, the whole Media Makeup thing) and were all a complete waste of time. I had no other provisions for the future, that was my plan. That was what would happen. No questions, no need to think of anything else. And so.... 2 years later, I just sort of find myself here. Not where I wanted to be, but none the less, I'm here. And yeah, it's going to be useful (if I ever finish it) but at the moment my motivation is still so low. It took me about 30 minutes to get out of bed this morning. And it wasn't because I'm tired (though I am), it was just I didn't want to have to think about going to college. This isn't how it's meant to be, surely?? Every so often I get all motivated up again but I know I have a long way to go and it's going to be so hard to keep it up. Believe it or not, I'm not feeling particularly down at the moment. I just want something more, you know? I don't want to spend the rest of my life being an office monkey. I want to make a difference. And at the moment, I don't see that happening. To quote Five Iron Frenzy, "Nothing changes, nothing will."
The very fact that I'm writing this proves how low my motivation is... I'm at college but instead of working (in the near silent room), I'm typing this instead.
Despite the fact I have next to no motivation at the moment, I still really want to finish this stupid course. It feels like I've spent most of my life doing it. This is the course that never ends, and it goes on and on my friend.....
And the reality of the situation? I have to work despite the fact I have no motivation to do so, I have to work hard and GET THE JOB DONE!!!
So... back to work...and with each word I type, the escape plan comes that little bit closer to happening...
Love, peace and may God's blessings rain down on all of you forever more.
Darkest
xxx
P.S Next one will be happier hopefully!
posted by Darkest_red at 3:26 PM
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